It’s early spring and on InnerSpark’s Wheel, it’s a representation of The Initiate archetype. This is the essence of beginnings, newness, studentship, childlike wonder and innocence, birth, air, insight, the mind, inspiration, dawn, hope, youth.

These energies we refer to as “seasons,” are simply different expressions of energy. Each season has a specific flavor, specific questions, and invitations, and is also alive within us regardless of the current season outside.

Of course, like I love reminding us, these archetypes exist in very subtle and energetic ways in any given moment, it does not matter the actual season.

However, when we’re journeying with the literal seasons, it really grants us a more direct access to experiencing the invitations and the energies because we’re living it in a very visceral and embodied way.

Connecting to Nature’s wisdom and rhythms is the main remedy for Feminine Shame and is our blueprint for living the way we were meant to live!

Early spring is the time of The Initiate

This is a time of beginnings, newness, studentship, childlike wonder and innocence, birth, air, insight, the mind, inspiration, dawn, hope, youth. These energies represent all things new, naïve, innocent, and fresh. If you’re into Tarot, it can be thought of as the Fool.

This is an energy for emerging, taking action, blossoming, embracing possibilities and the fertility of life and ourselves as initiators.  

From The Initiate emerges this very beautiful childlike part of us that is curious and open. This is the foundation for growth, this is how we bud into a full bloomed master, or The High Priestess archetype at the other end of The Wheel at autumn.

The role of studentship and beginner is a catalyst for growth and expansion. We can see this mirrored to us through blossoming plants, the waxing of the moon, the inhalation of the breath. It’s a ramping up and anticipatory build of energy that can take us to new heights – if we let it.

This all sounds well and good and lofty and beautiful, right? However, for most of us, actually putting this into practice is downright terrifying and shameful.

It feels scary and shameful to not know, to need help, to be a beginner.

Many responses to being a beginner are to hide out, feel small, feel ashamed, internalize your areas for growth to mean something negative about you, feel like you have to do it all and figure it all out on your own, avoid asking for help, increasingly grow bitter and resentful towards yourself and others, and more… it becomes feedback loop of shame that keeps you stuck and unable to progress along the intended growth process of your life.

So, when and how does this show up and how can we shift our perspective? I’m so glad you asked.

Physically

Shame around qualities of The Initiate show up when we’re doing new things with the body or things that we’ve decided our bodies aren’t “supposed” to do because they’re not “fit” for it. This can be trying a new form of exercise or movement, sex, dancing, wearing certain things that we like and may be convinced we’re not supposed to like or we’re too old for, etc. Additionally, as the physical body is the container for all our experiences, it will always be impacted by the ways this shame plays out for us.

The best way to overcome this? Meet yourself where you are and just do it to your current level of comfort. Evolve from there. Do the new thing. Do the old thing in a new way, with a new perspective. Welcome curiosity, sensation, and the felt experience into your awareness, rather than entertaining the stories. Welcome a sense of childlike innocence and wonder.

Emotionally

Shame around qualities of The Initiate can show up when we want to express emotions, especially ones that have been dubbed “childlike” or “inappropriate” such as sadness, crying, frustration, insecurity, guilt, fear, anxiety, embarrassment, and inadequacy.

Give yourself permission to feel and express.

Tap into your own inner innocence to guide you to your own authentic feelings (as opposed to those stories around which emotions are “acceptable” and which are not that you may have picked up along the way).

Another awesome way to use The Initiate to support you emotionally and learn about yourself? Work with what arises for you as you let yourself be in the role of The Initiate. For example, how do you feel about being new at something? There are big clues there!

Mentally

Shame around qualities of The Initiate and being new can show up whenever we’re embarking on new learnings and not wanting to appear weak or “stupid.” There can be resistance towards asking for help and feeling the need to figure it out on our own.

It is especially hard for those of us with early life trauma and neglect to work with The Initiate because it doesn’t feel safe not knowing, and it feels exhausting to think of continually having to be on our own trying to figure it out. As such, there can be an avoidance of new things altogether, which seriously stifles growth and potential!

Challenge the stories and beliefs you hold as they arise.

Is this really true for you? Is it really not safe to be new and not know something? It’s OK to ask for support. Trust yourself to identify safe spaces and people that can support your next steps and go for it! Mastery isn’t achieved in isolation. This is something I really wish I could’ve accepted sooner… Oh the time and frustration and money and stress I would’ve saved myself!

Spiritually

Lastly, shame around the qualities of The Initiate can show up in the form of hesitation and resistance towards embarking upon one’s own connection to Source without dogma.

Overcoming spiritual and religious trauma and returning to a state of childlike connection and wonder with the divine of your own heart is something that is scary and shameful for many.

Using the qualities of The Initiate and tapping into this untainted part of yourself, an authentic, nourishing connection is possible. Use the spark of aliveness, creativity, and innocence to guide your way.

Further Guidance

As opportunities arise (or have arisen in the past) to work with the qualities of The Initiate within yourself, notice your responses.

• What happened in your physical body?
• What emotions came up?
• What thoughts and stories played out?
• And where was your connection to yourself as Spirit?

When shame is dictating the show, we’re disconnected from ourselves and miss out on life. Let your responses to opportunities to be in the qualities of The Initiate guide you to freedom.

• Where and how do you embrace The Initiate?
• Where and how do you resist The Initiate?
• Where do more acutely recognize shame associated with The Initiate? Is it a particular aspect of your life or in a relationship or role? Is it in the way your physical body responds or the way specific emotions, thoughts, beliefs arise?
• What do you desire to experience, learn, or gain some sort of mastery over in your next chapter?
• Be clear in your motivations. Why are you wanting to learn this new thing, do this new thing, etc.? What does it look like and how do you get there?
• Trust yourself to identify safe, supportive help. And I say lovingly: Get over yourself and seek help. Challenge those old paradigms and old definitions of self you’re carrying that are dictating your life. As we choose smallness and staying stuck, we’re choosing the shame and allowing ourselves to be victimized by it.

Ultimately, we’ll all be faced with opportunities to be a beginner, a student, and a newbie. Rather than meeting these times with anxiety, resistance, and shame, we can use them to be the catalysts for growth and self-discovery that they’re meant to be. We can dive deeply into majesty ourselves, unravel shame, and follow the magic of The Initiate to our own inner childlike innocence and wonder.

This can be the missing ingredients for even more ease, joy, fun, and wholeness! Enjoy the process!