Self-Care: What It Is, What It Is Not

Create deeper nourishment and self-actualization.

It all starts by looking inside and being brave enough to do what it takes to live from your InnerSpark.

What’s your reaction when you hear “self-care?” Be honest. My introduction to this concept granted me a chuckle and my harsh inner critic quickly whispered something like, “Yah, it’s for those weak people who can’t handle life; I can push through anything. Just buck up and put my big girl panties on and push through anything.”

Can you relate? This is a deep wound that stems from Feminine Shame.

Frequently Asked Questions About Feminine Shame

What is Feminine Shame:
Shame is an often misunderstood state that we do our best to avoid – and about which we rarely speak! However, it is a natural, necessary response that arises when we perceive our sense of safety, belonging, contentment, and/or joy to be in jeopardy. It motivates us to make change so that we may repair our sense of safety, belonging, contentment, and/or joy.
Feminine Shame, a phenomenon and concept created by InnerSpark, is when we perceive ourselves, in our innate, natural state, to be the barrier towards our sense of safety, belonging, contentment, and/or joy simply because of our existence and presence. It is an intense and deeply held resistance, aversion, resentment, and fear towards anything that is soft, transient, cyclical, fluid, passive, nurturing, intuitive, an/or emotional in nature.
It is a shame towards that which is natural in a world attempting to get us on board with what’s “normal.”
This learned disconnection leads us into a perpetual state of “not enough.” We feel wrong, bad, unworthy, fundamentally flawed just for existing. As a species, we’ve lost our taproot and have learned that it’s better to ignore the innate naturalness of our being, unless we wish to open ourselves to scrutiny, judgement, and more shame. What we’ve learned and emulated across many generations now, largely due to Puritanical programming, isn’t “natural,” although we’ve come to certainly view it as “normal.”
Living with Feminine Shame is a constant fight between natural and normal and an internalization that there’s something wrong with us. We are disconnected from our InnerSpark and continually seek cues and validation externally. This compartmentalized way of life makes everything harder and wreaks havoc on us physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually and contributes to dis-ease on a massive scale.

Why Does Feminine Shame Exist:
The root cause of feminine shame is in the programs that have taught us to shun our naturalness and to view it as wrong, bad, sinful. Since so much of our world in its natural state is meant to encompass these qualities (our physical bodies, the cycles of the Earth, the stages of life, growth, and aging, and more), it’s an unfortunate truth that we’ll all experience this feminine shame at some point our lives to varying degrees.
Always striving to fit into a rigid, external measure of “normal,” willing ourselves to continue the quest when what would truly bring us back to wholeness is embracing our natural state and our Spirally essence.

Who Does Feminine Shame Impact:
Feminine Shame impacts everyone – regardless of gender or physical anatomy. It’s an abstract, permeating concept that mostly refers to shame towards that which is natural and has virtually nothing to do with gender or anatomy.
It is when we believe our very natural existence and presence, especially those aspects that are fluid and natural, are the source of our sense of safety, belonging, contentment, and/or joy being in jeopardy.
While womxn do tend to experience it more directly, as a species, we’ve undoubtedly come to a place where the essence of “feminine,” or the Spiral Principle is not held with high regard. We are all impacted, as is our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health and the health of our planet.

How Do We Heal Feminine Shame:
We heal Feminine Shame intentionally, compassionately, gently, and lovingly. We do so by embracing what’s natural and letting go of what’s been deemed “normal.”
In The InnerSpark Method, a system for supporting deep-feeling, sensitive women in breaking the cycles of burnout, people-pleasing, anxiety, and constantly trying to “fix” themselves, we heal Feminine Shame through five phase approach: befriending the body, managing our energy system (with resources like InnerSpark’s Energy Management Tools) and connecting with our emotions, mastering our mind, and aligning with Nature’s wisdom and rhythms.
We do so by reconnecting with ourselves, our InnerSpark, to see the parts of ourselves riddled with shame. We do so in community where we allow ourselves to be seen and witness each other. We come back to a state of reverent balance and holistic living and thriving.

Living from that core wound has cost me my spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical well-being on numerous occasions.

Self-care is not for the weak…

See, contrary to my former beliefs, self-care is not for “weak” people and it’s not reserved for times when you “can’t handle life.” Self-care is in fact for every single living person on the planet! And by practicing self-care consistently, we’re better equipped to handle whatever life throws our way.

Self-Care is Not Selfish

Self-care is not selfish, which is what I consistently hear from so many clients and used to think, as well. It’s selfless, actually. By ensuring your needs are met, you are more authentically and powerfully showing up for your life. Think about that for a moment and reflect upon past experiences.

What is self-care?

Self-care, according to my own, working definition, is mindfully developing the practice of asking yourself in each moment, “What do I need right now? How does this (whatever I’m doing) feel and do I need something else right now?” Perhaps I need to adjust my posture at the computer to show some love to my scoliosis back. Maybe it’s taking a deep breath because I am feeling stressed and forgot how to breathe momentarily!

Plainly, it’s tending to all levels of my being – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual – and ensuring deep nourishment for each. This deep nourishment at all levels yields my most vibrant self and I am better able to live in the moment and respond to life as it unfolds, which is where the magic truly happens.

  • At the physical level, it’s fueling up on wholesome, real foods, moving my body, or ensuring enough sleep.
  • At the emotional level, it’s being aware of my feelings and the messages they hold, connecting with my support team, and noticing where I’m not allowing myself to lighten up and enjoy!
  • Mentally, it may look like knowing when I need to wrap up my never-ending task list for the day and head outside to play with the dog or tend to my garden.
  • And, spiritually, it’s communing with nature and sitting in meditation to reconnect and recharge, or reading texts that quench my spiritual thirst.

Do this now:

Make a Nourishment Plan for yourself. Think of this as your new daily diet that goes waaaay beyond just food. Divide sections into physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Fill in each section accordingly with activities, people, feelings, needs, dreams, goals that feed and support each aspect of your being so it can thrive.

Does an area have you stumped? That’s a clue that it needs more attention.

Commit to developing a simple, daily practice of checking in with yourself and asking, “What do I need?” Take it a step further by actually honoring the need!

As is the case with most things, this gets easier and more intuitive with time, trust me.  You are a multidimensional being and it’s important to honor this and not ignore certain areas by overemphasizing others.

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Sweet Soul, it’s time to heal Feminine Shame and tap back into what’s natural, real, wild, and magical.

The Uprooting Feminine Shame Podcast by Devon Ray Battaglia is for deep-feeling, overthinking womxn ready to identify the roots of their people-pleasing, burnout, and anxiety so they can discover their true, shame-free nature and confidently thrive in body, mind, and spirit. Listen in to explore truly integrative, holistic ways of living more naturally aligned with your unique needs – physically, emotionally, mentally, energetically, and spiritually.

Each episode delivers potent transmissions to inspire and empower you. With a range of topics complete with a dash of Western science, hearty servings of metaphysical wisdom, and heaps of embodied experiences, there’s something here for you to create profound, sustainable, holistic shifts in life, health, body, relationships, and spiritual growth.

Subscribe to The Uprooting Feminine Shame Podcast


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Hi! I’m Devon and I am so glad you landed here. I’m an Integrative Health Expert & Teacher, Ayurvedic Health Advisor, Holistic Coach, & Founder of The InnerSpark Method. My greatest passion is guiding fellow sensitive, deep-feelers on a journey of transforming high sensitivity from a source of shame, overwhelm, and something that’s “wrong,” into a powerhouse of of joy, empowerment, and confidence in body, mind, and spirit! Ready to understand, support, and unearth your hidden gifts? I’ve got you! You’re in the right place. Click here to learn more about me and The InnerSpark Method.


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