Healing Feminine Shame with Pleasure

Regardless of anatomy or personal gender identification,
we’re all carrying a legacy of feminine shame.

I refer to feminine energy as “spiral energy” and masculine energy as “triangle energy.” I prefer these terms because they don’t come loaded with all of the connotations we hold about the words “feminine” and “masculine.”

To learn more about my approach to redefining “masculine” and “feminine,” read this.

I talked at great length about these principles in this article and podcast episode, however to briefly recap, the spiral aspects of our existence are those that are fluctuating, ever-changing, lunar, passive, expansive. The triangle aspects are more fixed, rigid, predictable, solar, contractive.

So, what is feminine shame or spiral shame?

It’s an inherent shame, mistrust, and judgement of these parts of ourselves that are impermanent and in a constant state of flux.

As a society, we definitely shun these ways and prefer the more active, linear, predictable, unchanging aspects of life. Seeing as those are not really all that abundant, there’s much to find ourselves wary of and that comes at the expense of the counter side of these energies – the spiral or feminine aspects.

Frequently Asked Questions About Feminine Shame

What is Feminine Shame:
Have you ever felt out of step with the world, simply for embracing the natural ebbs and flows within yourself? At InnerSpark, we define “Feminine Shame” as a deeply ingrained resistance towards that which is cyclical, fluid, nurturing, intuitive, or emotional. It’s the uneasy feeling that arises from being cyclical, intuitive, or in tune with seasonal rhythms in a world that often values linear progress and constants. This disconnect is what distances many from their true essence, their InnerSpark, causing them to feel adrift, overwhelmed, and detached from the comforting rhythms of nature. It’s feeling ashamed of our innate, tender nature in a world that parades “normal” over “natural.”
 
Rooted in centuries-old beliefs, Feminine Shame drives that whispering ghost of “not enough.” It convinces us we’re wrong, unworthy, flawed at our very core. We’ve been conditioned to see our natural state as abnormal, which distances us from our true selves. This tug-of-war between the natural and the “normal” drains us—physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, spiritually—leading to widespread dis-ease. It’s high time we ask: isn’t it time to bridge that gap? To finally come home to ourselves? That’s where The InnerSpark Method is your guide.

Why Does Feminine Shame Exist:
From our early years, society hands us a blueprint of how to “fit in.” This blueprint often discounts the beauty of nature’s spirals – the inherent fluctuations and cycles that we, as beings of this Earth, naturally resonate with. When these intrinsic rhythms, intuitions, and emotions are labeled as irregular or inconsistent, it creates a landscape where Feminine Shame finds fertile ground, urging us to adopt the “standard” instead of cherishing our unique spirally essence.

Who Does Feminine Shame Impact:
Feminine Shame isn’t reserved for a select few. Imagine a shroud, thin but omnipresent, covering everything and everyone. Feminine Shame is that shroud. It blankets us all, an invisible veil impacting every heart. Regardless of gender or anatomy, everyone feels its presence – the nudge to prioritize society’s “shoulds” over the nurturing call of nature. It’s the tension that arises when our natural desire for a holistic, integrative life clashes with societal expectations, leaving us yearning for authentic connections, rhythms, and a return to our true nature.

How Do We Heal Feminine Shame:
The path to healing starts with recognizing the value of our innate connection to nature’s cycles. By turning towards our own challenges and deepest desires, and embracing the rhythms that have always been a part of us, we can find grounding and resilience. It’s about harmonizing with nature’s wisdom, tapping into its rhythms for guidance, and shedding the layers that keep us from living organically and authentically. Together, as a community that sees, supports, and validates each other, we transition from feeling fragmented and out of sync to dancing in harmony with life’s beautiful, ever-changing spirals.

What’s in flux about ourselves?

Pretty much everything. Our emotions, our physical bodies… We’re taught to keep it together, not have strong emotions, not age, not reveal that our bodies do things like create waste products or bleed monthly.

As women in women’s bodies, we carry the brunt of this more heavily. There’s a legacy of guilt, insecurity, and fear.

Why Heal it? What’s it Creating?

We simply can’t continue this way. Addictions and mental health crises are continuing to rise, especially in women. This way of being keeps us small and it maintains a really sick and dysfunctional status quo wherein we normalize the questionable treatment to which we’re subjected.

We have come to normalize women’s suffering and almost expect it. We normalize women’s physical health challenges, we normalize and perpetuate the belief that women are dependent, weaker than, hysterical, and that their intuition or connection to the Earth are just a bunch of “old wives’ tales.”

We know deep down this is BS, yet we’ve been programmed through centuries to believe otherwise, so when we have those thoughts about it all being BS, we think we’re crazy, we become ashamed of stumbling upon this latent magic within, we feel helpless and hopeless because we feel that the bridge between our current state and that magic is just too damn big to ever be built and we don’t know where to begin…

Bottom line: feminine shame is done.

  • We can no longer as a species operate in a way that perpetuates this kind of thinking and treatment. The planet is suffering as a direct result. We attempt to control every aspect of life and think we can outsmart it.
  • We can no longer genetically modify things rather than working with Nature and the soils and the seasons.
  • We can no longer rely on stimulants and other outside, lab-made creations to manipulate the body into doing what we want it to do, rather than giving it the materials and support to encourage its natural function.
  • We can no longer be terrified, cynical, and skeptical of anything that is “natural.” “Alternative” and “holistic” are thought of as “new age” and unreliable when they’ve been around since the dawn of humans and will be around after us.
  • We can no longer cover our bodies with chemicals to hide odors that are caused by the food-like stuff we ingest that in no way nourishes our bodies.
  • We can no longer continue to rape and pillage and demand from the Earth, or ourselves. We have become increasingly disconnected from the innate rhythms and spirals of life herself.

This is all feminine shame.

Shame of the spiral. Fear of the spiral, which breeds the shame. As women, everything about us is spirally. We are mocked and shamed because we are feared, and all of this makes us feel shame about ourselves because we’re “different.”

What’s Pleasure?

I’ve touched on many remedies for healing feminine shame and today, I’d like to offer another: pleasure.

Many of us have come to think of pleasure as only “sexual” and while that’s certainly a very major and necessary part of healing feminine shame, it’s not the only one.

Pleasure takes on many forms and the main thing is that it is something that evokes a sense of joy, supreme presence, and an affirmation of life within YOU. Not anyone else.

What brings me pleasure is different than what brings you pleasure. Honor your pleasure. Follow your pleasure.

We must have a relationship with pleasure and to have a relationship with pleasure, we must be able to receive

Receiving is a big challenge among my clients and women in general. To receive requires being receptive, which requires being in a state of ease and in that “rest and digest” mode (as opposed to the “fight, flight, or freeze” mode many of us have just become too cozy with).

Being in rest and digest requires a sense of surrender and it requires presence. We cannot be in a state of surrender and presence if we’re not in our bodies and we cannot be in our bodies if we’re in our heads.

And many of us are in our heads because we’re constantly using our sensitivity as a way of judging and perceiving the circumstances and people around us so that we can stay safe and not be fully seen in our authentic essence, which is one of supreme spirally energy.

So, ultimately, one of the key ways to heal feminine shame is with pleasure, which requires an ability to receive. Authentic pleasure requires that you know yourself and trust what brings you TRUE joy and pleasure and not try to deny it or pacify it with those quick fixes that aren’t actually pleasurable in the long-run – like emotional eating binges, for example.

How to Strengthen Your Capacity to Receive Pleasure

To begin to bring more pleasure into your life, you must continue the journey of knowing thyself to understand and feel what is truly pleasurable to YOU.

Pleasure lives in the body; it’s not something to think about or calculate or study. It has a specific resonance in your body; befriend it.

Think of something that brings you pleasure right now. The simpler, the better. The warm rays of the sun penetrating your skin, for example. Submerse yourself in this experience right now in your mind. Notice the emotions that arise. Feel it all. And specifically notice the sensations in your physical body. This is your unique pleasure frequency. FOLLOW THIS. KNOW THIS. BEFRIEND THIS.

Befriending your subtle energies can make this all feel clearer and more intuitive and unclog the muck that gets in the way of trusting yourself and your body. Develop your own intuitive energy healing practices and strengthen your boundaries, feel more grounded, and become the clear channel you are meant to be.

Additionally, getting into the body with physical pleasure creates tremendous healing! Sexual pleasure, in that iteration of pleasure, is profoundly transformative and healing. It impacts all layers of our being – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. It instantly puts us in a deep state of ease and “rest and digest mode,” it quiets the mind, clears the energies, and dislodges trapped and stagnant emotions, particularly from the womb and cervix.

Orgasms in a women’s body create powerful physical waves throughout the cervix and womb and with practice, orgasm can serve as a powerful tool for some epic personal alchemy.

Bottom line: bring pleasure into your life intentionally. Receive your breath. Be with your food and savor it. Receive the love of your own touch. Receive the softness of fabrics on your skin. Keep practicing and notice how it becomes easier and notice how more reveals itself to you. Notice the stories around shame falling away.

Make space to receive. Where are the sticky parts around receiving for you? What’s the story here? Is it unworthiness? Is it shame? Is it fear? Allow yourself to receive the divine love and grace within and around you at all times. You are a walking emanation of stardust, love, and beauty, after all!

The InnerSpark Method

Learn to simplify your life, live Nature’s rhythms, and discover vibrant health, resilience, and joy.

As the digital age surges forward, our intimate connection to these timeless rhythms is diminishing, causing our physical, emotional, mental, relational, and spiritual well being to teeter.

With a blend of modern and ancient wisdom modalities, The InnerSpark Method is a comprehensive, whole-life approach to natural thriving amidst modern living.

The InnerSpark Method draws from Nature’s timeless rhythms and incorporates tools from Integrative Health modalities such as Ayurveda, energy healing, holistic nutrition, life coaching, Integrative Somatic Trauma Therapy, breathwork, meditation, and more.

Come discover a whole-person, trauma-informed system of Nature's self-care to rekindle natural cadences across all dimensions of your being.

Let’s embark on a transformative path from fragmented living to a sacred dynamic balance of vitality, and true connection.

Explore Feminine Shame:

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  • Healing Feminine Shame

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    In today’s fast-paced world, where we prize the linear, productive, and constant, a profound form of dissonance permeates our lives. This dissonance is rooted in Feminine Shame: a deep-seated aversion and resistance towards the inherently natural, cyclical, and intuitive aspects of existence. By understanding and healing Feminine Shame, we initiate the process of aligning more…

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Greetings! I’m Devon Ray Battaglia, MS, AHA, ACC. As an Integrative Health Expert, Ayurvedic Health Advisor, and Holistic Life Coach, I’ve devoted myself to living and sharing the timeless wisdom of Nature’s rhythms to unlock our natural resilience and joy!

I mentor individuals like you on a heartfelt journey toward the life-changing simplicity and nourishment of living in sync with Nature.

Ready to transform life’s storms, amplify resilience, boost health and vitality, reconnect with your InnerSpark, and discover a life overflowing with peace, confidence, and clarity?

Click here to learn more about me and The InnerSpark Method.

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