I have always had a deep love affair with the moon.  Her cycles and phases and changes have delighted and excited me for as long as I can remember.  I was born literally hours before a new moon and feel it’s no coincidence that I’ve always been especially partial to her when she’s in her dark phase. 

I speak of the moon and metaphors and symbols associated with her and Earth wisdom frequently in my work.  Working with the energies of the moon phases can seriously change your life. 

Recently, I had a client confess to me that they neither the difference between a “waxing” or “waning” moon, nor how to use the different implications in their lives.

Aligning With What’s Natural to Heal Feminine Shame

I imagine she’s not alone.  As we move farther away from living in a co-creative dance with Nature and continue to pin “it” as something outside ourselves, many are simply lost and confused.

This kind of thinking is the genesis of Feminine Shame.

Frequently Asked Questions About Feminine Shame

What is Feminine Shame?

What is Feminine Shame:
Shame is an often misunderstood state that we do our best to avoid – and about which we rarely speak! However, it is a natural, necessary response that arises when we perceive our sense of safety, belonging, contentment, and/or joy to be in jeopardy. It motivates us to make change so that we may repair our sense of safety, belonging, contentment, and/or joy.
 
Feminine Shame, a phenomenon and concept created by InnerSpark, is when we perceive ourselves, in our innate, natural state, to be the barrier towards our sense of safety, belonging, contentment, and/or joy simply because of our existence and presence. It is an intense and deeply held resistance, aversion, resentment, and fear towards anything that is soft, transient, cyclical, fluid, passive, nurturing, intuitive, an/or emotional in nature.
 
It is a shame towards that which is natural in a world attempting to get us on board with what’s “normal.”
 
This learned disconnection leads us into a perpetual state of “not enough.” We feel wrong, bad, unworthy, fundamentally flawed just for existing. As a species, we’ve lost our taproot and have learned that it’s better to ignore the innate naturalness of our being, unless we wish to open ourselves to scrutiny, judgement, and more shame. What we’ve learned and emulated across many generations now, largely due to Puritanical programming, isn’t “natural,” although we’ve come to certainly view it as “normal.”
 
Living with Feminine Shame is a constant fight between natural and normal and an internalization that there’s something wrong with us. We are disconnected from our InnerSpark and continually seek cues and validation externally. This compartmentalized way of life makes everything harder and wreaks havoc on us physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually and contributes to dis-ease on a massive scale.

Why Does Feminine Shame Exist?

Why Does Feminine Shame Exist:
The root cause of feminine shame is in the programs that have taught us to shun our naturalness and to view it as wrong, bad, sinful. Since so much of our world in its natural state is meant to encompass these qualities (our physical bodies, the cycles of the Earth, the stages of life, growth, and aging, and more), it’s an unfortunate truth that we’ll all experience this feminine shame at some point our lives to varying degrees.
 
Always striving to fit into a rigid, external measure of “normal,” willing ourselves to continue the quest when what would truly bring us back to wholeness is embracing our natural state and our Spirally essence.

Who Does Feminine Shame Impact?

Who Does Feminine Shame Impact:
Feminine Shame impacts everyone – regardless of gender or physical anatomy. It’s an abstract, permeating concept that mostly refers to shame towards that which is natural and has virtually nothing to do with gender or anatomy.
 
It is when we believe our very natural existence and presence, especially those aspects that are fluid and natural, are the source of our sense of safety, belonging, contentment, and/or joy being in jeopardy.
 
While womxn do tend to experience it more directly, as a species, we’ve undoubtedly come to a place where the essence of “feminine,” or the Spiral Principle is not held with high regard. We are all impacted, as is our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health and the health of our planet.

How Do We Heal Feminine Shame?

How Do We Heal Feminine Shame:
We heal Feminine Shame intentionally, compassionately, gently, and lovingly. We do so by embracing what’s natural and letting go of what’s been deemed “normal.”
 
In The InnerSpark Method, a system for supporting deep-feeling, sensitive women in breaking the cycles of burnout, people-pleasing, anxiety, and constantly trying to “fix” themselves, we heal Feminine Shame through five phase approach: befriending the body, managing our energy system (with resources like InnerSpark’s Energy Management Tools) and connecting with our emotions, mastering our mind, and aligning with Nature’s wisdom and rhythms.
 
We do so by reconnecting with ourselves, our InnerSpark, to see the parts of ourselves riddled with shame. We do so in community where we allow ourselves to be seen and witness each other. We come back to a state of reverent balance and holistic living and thriving.

The moon is our subtler, emotional, energetic aspect.  She’s the place of our wisdom and primal Shakti or feminine/Spiral power – regardless of your gender or physical anatomy. 

Each of the four phases corresponds metaphorically with a season and with one of the four parts of our breath cycle. The moon orbits around the Earth in an unending, spiral way.  It takes roughly 29.5 days for a full cycle – new moon to new moon.

New Moon

Energetically corresponds with winter and the complete exhale or space between exhale and next inhale. Corresponds with The Void Archetype on InnerSpark’s Wheel of The Mother. Learn more about these eight unique energies that represent your inner wisdom guides here.

This is the darkest time in the night sky and we can’t actually see her, but we can feel her deeply.  There’s an old saying, “The darker it is, the better you can see.”  This is how a new moon feels to me.  It’s a time for deep introspection and reflection, for gaining insight and clarity, for feeling into our energetic and literal fertility, for resting. 

This is an ideal time to set intentions and FEEL (not think) into what’s next for you.  Allow yourself to be receptive to the bigger primal force that animates you and surrender to your impulses to create your life.  Your outward energy may be lower and you may feel more tired because of the heightened awareness of your senses and intuition.  The energy is going within to allow you to be the conduit.

Waxing Moon

Energetically corresponds with spring and the inhale. Also corresponds with The Initiate Archetype on InnerSpark’s Wheel of The Mother. Learn more about these eight unique energies that represent your inner wisdom guides here.

After seeming to disappear into the great expansive void above, she beings to increase in size once more.  You may notice your energy is also increasing, manifestation is becoming easier, things are being actualized, and there’s a greater desire for expansion and playfulness.  Creativity continues to wax, as well.  Let yourself experience new things – new classes, new foods, new places, new people, etc.  Channel that rebirth, maiden energy and naivety and childlike wonder and innocence.

Full Moon

Energetically corresponds with summer and is the fullest inhale or space right before the exhale. Also corresponds with The Blacksmith Archetype on InnerSpark’s Wheel of The Mother. Learn more about these eight unique energies that represent your inner wisdom guides here.

The energy is super potent right now!  Some full moons may leave you feeling like you’re charged and electrified!  She’s at her biggest, brightest, and fullest expression, and so are you.  There’s a lot of outward energy at this time.  A stronger desire for socializing and being seen may also be present.  The deep insights and clarity that surfaced at the new moon may also come into clearer focus right now for how they relate to your life.

The new moon is our liminal space and the full moon is more of the tangible experience.  Pay attention to the themes that emerge through the cycles and how the dots end up connecting.  Don’t forget to recharge and cleanse crystals and other implements under the light of the full moon, too!

Waning Moon

Energetically corresponds with fall and the exhale. Also corresponds with The High Priestess Archetype on InnerSpark’s Wheel of The Mother. Learn more about these eight unique energies that represent your inner wisdom guides here.

Just as fall brings the bittersweet and melancholy reminder of endings, deaths, and release, the waning moon begins her emptying once again.  This is a time for harvesting, endings, banishing, and ultimately alchemizing experience into wisdom. This wisdom is the fertilizer for the seeds you’ll plant once more at the following new moon.

The challenges, the victories, the lessons are all part of the experience and this time serves to reiterate this fact.  Nothing stays the same and all is impermanent, every new endeavor and new being will eventually cease to exist in the form it does now, which is the sacredness of this living experience.  What worked?  What didn’t?  What feels yummy?  What feels challenging?

Bonus Up-Level Ways to Work with the Moon & Honor the Universal Spiral Principle:

• Journal practice daily for a moon cycle and check in with the four levels to see what changes over the cycle
• Daily dedication to your own rhythms and cycles; you are a micro of the macro, after all
• Plant and harvest by the moon
• Notice the different feels of different astrological signs – a new moon in Aries feels very differently than a full moon in Aries
• Host moon circles with beloveds for ritual, fun, healthy potlucks, witnessing, and whatever else feels poignant to you – cultivating authentic spirituality is a profound thing
• Get outside under the full moon and soak in her velvety light; this is called moon bathing
• Sleep in total blackness (you shouldn’t be able to see your hand in front of your face) and the night before, of, and after the full moon, open your curtains to allow moonlight to flood your space.  This is balancing to the energy and hormonal systems.

Above all, what I have shared is simply my own embodied experience and yours will differ slightly.  Welcome your own experiences, allow yourself to be very curious, and observe the miraculous flow of primal life force moving through and around you.