Relationships as Mirrors

Relationships are the most powerful vehicle for awakening and transformation we have available to us.  Every single relationship, interaction, and person in our life can be a teacher.  Why?  Because literally every single person acts as your mirror. 

In this article, I’m focusing on the concepts of more “romantic love” or “Conscious Relationships” and “Divine Union.”  This refers to the duo that has come together to create a third – the relationship, the union.

This duo is comprised of two individuals.  And in order for the duo to be a conscious vehicle for divine expression, each of the individuals must be doing their own work.  Without that vital component, the third energy that’s birthed when these two people come together – aka the relationship or union – is weakened and not serving its highest potential.

That third energy is a direct indication and reflection of the degree of consciousness of each party involved.  It takes two.  It takes two people fiercely dedicated to their own energetic up-leveling.  It’s not all up to you and it’s not all up to them. 

The Relationship as a Cauldron of Awakening

The third energy is a barometer for the energetic vibration of the two individuals.  I always say the union is an alchemical cauldron of becoming and awakening when, and if, the individuals are dedicated to their own process.  Deepening into your own processes creates unwavering trust, passion, joy, excitement, and the relationship is new every single day.

When someone says they’re bored in their relationship, what I’m actually hearing is that the inner work for one or both parties has stalled and therefore, so have the discoveries.  We are limitless beings, after all.  Boredom is a bypassing mechanism and a way of ignoring and copping out.

A divine, conscious partnership is meant to be a vehicle for immense transformation and awakening for both parties.  It’s a way for you to have a greater experience of yourself, your authentic Self, the one without the BS stories and wounds.  But, in order for this to be the case, both people must be working daily to heal and elevate themselves.

Your partner is a mirror.  The way you are triggered by them is a sacred invitation and message from within that there is work to do for you.  Mirrors show us ourselves, they show us everything – especially things we don’t necessarily want to see, right? 

Let’s do a little practice together. 

Think of past or current partners and think of ways in which they triggered you.  Get something super specific – the pettier, the better.

I can use an example from my own marriage.  My partner is very patient, grounded, introspective, and thoughtful.  In our earliest stages, this triggered me.  I know, right?!  This is what we say we all want and yet, I was super triggered and annoyed at times. 

I found myself getting upset with him for not being fierier, or a “go-getter,” or for not knowing how to do everything.  Clearly these are superhuman expectations.  I’d subtly think things like, “Read my mind, read the situation, be on all the time, damn it!”  While I never outright said any of these things to him, he could certainly feel my energy and sense that something was amiss. 

It was creating a weird sense of lack of safety in the union because he wasn’t showing up the way I thought I needed.  That in turn made him feel insecure and less confident in his own abilities, which made his quiet side take over even more. 

See the cycle?  Many couples go on like this until one gets fed up and the union dismantles or until… forever.

I don’t like settling for mediocrity (and I invite you to simply take the word out of your vocabulary).  So, I did the necessary internal work to identify the roots of these stories about myself and thank him for triggering them in me. 

The truth is, I love him the way he is. 

I am the one who is more airy, creative, and a “go-getter” (hello vata-pitta). As a result of old childhood trauma, I have had the beliefs that I must know “everything” and be “on” and alert in order to stay safe. My upbringing and own Feminine Shame, had led me to believe that it wasn’t safe for me to be sensitive, naive at times.

But, in actuality, I AM that.  My core essence is one of a sensitive old fairy soul and because my early life wasn’t supportive of that, I have these old armors I wear.  Seeing him just embody this beautiful patience and grace, made me feel unsafe – and also maybe jealous. 

The point is, the trigger was ALL ABOUT ME.  All triggers are about us.

I always teach my clients that the subtle creates the gross.  ANY dis-ease or dysfunction we experience on the 3D, physical level (in our bodies and health, our lives, and relationships), is the result of imbalances and blockages on our subtle levels (our emotional, mental, and spiritual levels). I teach the 4-body level approach with PEMS

Check out this class on Relationships + Not Losing Self in Other.

Check out this podcast episode on being in a relationship with someone who’s highly sensitive and with someone who’s not.

So, this subtle level imbalance, always manifests in our gross experience.  Always.  The gross is simply made up of the subtle.  Rearrange the subtle, create a new gross.  Period.  This is why it’s IMPERATIVE to do our own inner, energetic work when we desire change.  Our physical experience is simply an arrangement of our subtle imprints. 

Whether you’re partnered up or not, RIGHT NOW is a profound opportunity for us to practice radical-self responsibility and radical self-love and radical self-acceptance.  This is the opportunity to clear the space and BS of old wounds and traumas to set the stage for the partnership to come – or to improve the one in which we’re already engaged. In other words, dig into your shadows and find the liberation and joy you desire.

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