Life wants to live and bloom, and so does your fullest potential. How are you unknowingly allowing shame to weigh you down?
The shame bundle. What is a shame bundle, you ask? It’s a bundle of nonsense that we’ve adopted as our own personal gospel that we check ourselves against. It provides our definitions of ourselves, life guidelines for how a person like us “should” conduct themselves and what’s possible for them, and so forth. It’s a weighty little critter full of our catalogued life experiences that’s lodged firmly in our psyches.
This shame bundle stifles our potential; however, it can’t stop it entirely. That little paradox is the source of so much inner conflict and turmoil, suffering and dis-ease.
You’re becoming who you are meant to be. It’s unavoidable…
However, it is delay-able and we can make the process as challenging or as effortless as we choose.
It’s unnatural to bloom with a weight holding us down. It’s a nonsensical use of energy to constantly check ourselves against old definitions and guidelines, as dictated by our shame bundle.
The process of becoming, of fully blossoming, is easier when we stay on our path and become aware and conscious of the shame bundles holding us back. Like a lovely ball and chain attached at our ankle, these bundles of old shame will weigh us down as we grow, making the process ridiculously harder than it has to be.
Blooming into our fullest potential is desperately trying to happen – with or without us.
Life wants to live authentically and fully blossomed. You’re allowed to be different and flow and have your own rhythm. We cannot fight Nature, especially our own. We will bloom, the ease with which we do that is up to us releasing our shame bundles.
The source of our suffering comes from this misalignment and refusal to participate in the process, and all that avoidance stems from feminine shame. We must realize that the contents of the bundle aren’t ours and they’re not helping us – contrary to what we may believe.
Frequently Asked Questions About Feminine Shame
What is Feminine Shame?
What is Feminine Shame:
Shame is an often misunderstood state that we do our best to avoid – and about which we rarely speak! However, it is a natural, necessary response that arises when we perceive our sense of safety, belonging, contentment, and/or joy to be in jeopardy. It motivates us to make change so that we may repair our sense of safety, belonging, contentment, and/or joy.
Feminine Shame, a phenomenon and concept created by InnerSpark, is when we perceive ourselves, in our innate, natural state, to be the barrier towards our sense of safety, belonging, contentment, and/or joy simply because of our existence and presence. It is an intense and deeply held resistance, aversion, resentment, and fear towards anything that is soft, transient, cyclical, fluid, passive, nurturing, intuitive, an/or emotional in nature.
It is a shame towards that which is natural in a world attempting to get us on board with what’s “normal.”
This learned disconnection leads us into a perpetual state of “not enough.” We feel wrong, bad, unworthy, fundamentally flawed just for existing. As a species, we’ve lost our taproot and have learned that it’s better to ignore the innate naturalness of our being, unless we wish to open ourselves to scrutiny, judgement, and more shame. What we’ve learned and emulated across many generations now, largely due to Puritanical programming, isn’t “natural,” although we’ve come to certainly view it as “normal.”
Living with Feminine Shame is a constant fight between natural and normal and an internalization that there’s something wrong with us. We are disconnected from our InnerSpark and continually seek cues and validation externally. This compartmentalized way of life makes everything harder and wreaks havoc on us physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually and contributes to dis-ease on a massive scale.
Why Does Feminine Shame Exist?
Why Does Feminine Shame Exist:
The root cause of feminine shame is in the programs that have taught us to shun our naturalness and to view it as wrong, bad, sinful. Since so much of our world in its natural state is meant to encompass these qualities (our physical bodies, the cycles of the Earth, the stages of life, growth, and aging, and more), it’s an unfortunate truth that we’ll all experience this feminine shame at some point our lives to varying degrees.
Always striving to fit into a rigid, external measure of “normal,” willing ourselves to continue the quest when what would truly bring us back to wholeness is embracing our natural state and our Spirally essence.
Who Does Feminine Shame Impact?
Who Does Feminine Shame Impact:
Feminine Shame impacts everyone – regardless of gender or physical anatomy. It’s an abstract, permeating concept that mostly refers to shame towards that which is natural and has virtually nothing to do with gender or anatomy.
It is when we believe our very natural existence and presence, especially those aspects that are fluid and natural, are the source of our sense of safety, belonging, contentment, and/or joy being in jeopardy.
While womxn do tend to experience it more directly, as a species, we’ve undoubtedly come to a place where the essence of “feminine,” or the Spiral Principle is not held with high regard. We are all impacted, as is our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health and the health of our planet.
How Do We Heal Feminine Shame?
How Do We Heal Feminine Shame:
We heal Feminine Shame intentionally, compassionately, gently, and lovingly. We do so by embracing what’s natural and letting go of what’s been deemed “normal.”
In The InnerSpark Method, a system for supporting deep-feeling, sensitive women in breaking the cycles of burnout, people-pleasing, anxiety, and constantly trying to “fix” themselves, we heal Feminine Shame through five phase approach: befriending the body, managing our energy system (with resources like InnerSpark’s Energy Management Tools) and connecting with our emotions, mastering our mind, and aligning with Nature’s wisdom and rhythms.
We do so by reconnecting with ourselves, our InnerSpark, to see the parts of ourselves riddled with shame. We do so in community where we allow ourselves to be seen and witness each other. We come back to a state of reverent balance and holistic living and thriving.
The truth is shame feels uncomfortable and we wish to avoid it at all costs. We have ourselves so convinced that we need this shame bundle to keep us safe by providing guidelines and codes of conduct. What stories do you tell yourself about yourself and what’s possible for you and your life?
Here are 4 ways to recognize when the shame bundle is running the show
As we recognize the inner turmoil stemming from the conflict between our allegiance to the shame bundle and our innate need to follow our nature and blossom, we can release the bundle and allow our journeys to be more ease-filled and joyous.
Symptoms in the body and mind as signs of misalignment
Symptoms are messengers that arise when there’s an opportunity to come into greater harmony within ourselves. What sorts of physical, emotional, and/or mental challenges do you come up against regularly? Anxiety, hormonal imbalances, addiction, digestive discomfort, stiffness in the body, poor posture, anger, resentment, confusion, overwhelm, and more are some key signals that there’s shame in the body.
Use these symptoms as gateways to your truest Self recognizing that the symptom is arising because you’re favoring listening to the shame bundle, rather than your Self in some way.
Communicate with the shame bundle and with the symptom. Imagine the exact opposite of the symptom and how that would feel. Imagine how it would feel to be a person who didn’t experience these symptoms.
Simply open the lines of communication within yourself and begin to observe what shifts. Your awareness alone can move mountains.
Things you don’t like and continually come up against
Or the “same shit, different day” phenomenon. Refusing to release the shame bundle and living from its dictatorship means not being in alignment with ourselves.
When not in alignment with our true needs and boundaries, among other things, we’ll come up against the same challenge repeatedly. Continually attracting the same kinds of relationships even though they’re draining and harmful. Continually making harmful choices for yourself despite wanting to do things differently (i.e., moving your body more frequently, making better eating choices, sticking to a supportive morning routine, etc.). This is another example of the incongruity caused when the shame bundle is running the show.
Ask yourself what you’re getting out of this repeated behavior and pattern. How is it serving you? What’s the real need underneath the self-harming behavior and how can it be met in more supportive ways? Notice the inner objection as you imagine more supportive ways of having the need met and recognize that’s the shame bundle talking. Begin taking gentle steps towards meeting the actual need in loving ways.
Befriend all your parts – the eight cosmic archetypes
Aligning with Nature’s wisdom is the key to remembering our own! You are a multidimensional being, despite the programming of Feminine Shame that tells us we all must remain constant. There’s a whole host of archetypes living with you that are mirrored through the literal seasons on Earth. InnerSpark’s Wheel recognizes these eight inner wisdom guides as our high council, available within us always and able to offer clarity and direction.
When we’re caught in the trap of thinking we must be one way (as dictated by that shame bundle that offers us our self-definition), we create much tension within because it’s simply unnatural and impossible. Learn more about these eight facets here.
Seasonal shifts and the medicine available to us therein
Each season and each archetype offer specific invitations and guidance – especially during their corresponding season on Earth. Notice which seasons you don’t particularly like, what arises for you physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, and begin to dig more deeply.
As an example, here’s a question I was recently asked about someone’s transition into spring:
“I’ve noticed that during the first quarter of the year I tend to not feel well. Not 100% and it usually comes on around now. I’ve also noticed other people experiencing the same thing in different ways. Some people get angry at this time of year. It’s strange to me and I’m just noticing it. I’m not sick but I feel achy. Almost like I am thawing from winter, and it hurts.”
“Thank you for reaching out to me and sharing your experiences. I love what you said: “I am thawing from winter, and it hurts.” It sounds like growing pains – on an energetic level that are showing up in the body. Spring asks us to “blossom” in new and different ways and this can bring up resistance, fear, anxiety, uncertainty, etc. that can show up as aches, not feeling well, anger, tiredness, etc. Perhaps there’s something you’re wanting to venture into, try, learn, walk away from, stop doing, etc.? Hope that resonates.”
What parts of you have always been growing/blooming despite shame bundle/guidelines/definitions?
How can they be allowed to blossom with more ease and space?
My shame bundle says/believes/thinks/feels… What definitions about myself do I hold? What do I think is possible for “a person like me”?
Repeat after me:
I live from my InnerSpark, with my Nature, supporting my Nature, and releasing all that attempts to control my Nature.
Allow yourself to become who you truly are and release the attachment to who the shame bundle tells you that you need to be.
Explore Feminine Shame:
Feminine Shame exists because of shame we carry around the things about ourselves that are transient and cyclical – like our physical bodies and emotions.
Are you tired of absorbing other people’s energy like a sponge? You know, that feeling where you walk into a room and suddenly, it feels like you’re carrying everyone else’s emotions on your shoulders? Or when you just can’t seem to separate your energy from the energy around you? Let’s change that. Today, we’ll explore:🌟The…