Going high speed 24/7, constantly thinking of your next move or your to do list, and falling into routines and ruts are just some of the ways that eventually lead us into numbing out of our bodies and living in our heads. This is spiral/feminine shame in action, which impacts all of us – regardless of gender identification or physical anatomy. Learn more about feminine shame here.

Frequently Asked Questions About Feminine Shame

What is Feminine Shame?

What is Feminine Shame:
Shame is an often misunderstood state that we do our best to avoid – and about which we rarely speak! However, it is a natural, necessary response that arises when we perceive our sense of safety, belonging, contentment, and/or joy to be in jeopardy. It motivates us to make change so that we may repair our sense of safety, belonging, contentment, and/or joy.
 
Feminine Shame, a phenomenon and concept created by InnerSpark, is when we perceive ourselves, in our innate, natural state, to be the barrier towards our sense of safety, belonging, contentment, and/or joy simply because of our existence and presence. It is an intense and deeply held resistance, aversion, resentment, and fear towards anything that is soft, transient, cyclical, fluid, passive, nurturing, intuitive, an/or emotional in nature.
 
It is a shame towards that which is natural in a world attempting to get us on board with what’s “normal.”
 
This learned disconnection leads us into a perpetual state of “not enough.” We feel wrong, bad, unworthy, fundamentally flawed just for existing. As a species, we’ve lost our taproot and have learned that it’s better to ignore the innate naturalness of our being, unless we wish to open ourselves to scrutiny, judgement, and more shame. What we’ve learned and emulated across many generations now, largely due to Puritanical programming, isn’t “natural,” although we’ve come to certainly view it as “normal.”
 
Living with Feminine Shame is a constant fight between natural and normal and an internalization that there’s something wrong with us. We are disconnected from our InnerSpark and continually seek cues and validation externally. This compartmentalized way of life makes everything harder and wreaks havoc on us physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually and contributes to dis-ease on a massive scale.

Why Does Feminine Shame Exist?

Why Does Feminine Shame Exist:
The root cause of feminine shame is in the programs that have taught us to shun our naturalness and to view it as wrong, bad, sinful. Since so much of our world in its natural state is meant to encompass these qualities (our physical bodies, the cycles of the Earth, the stages of life, growth, and aging, and more), it’s an unfortunate truth that we’ll all experience this feminine shame at some point our lives to varying degrees.
 
Always striving to fit into a rigid, external measure of “normal,” willing ourselves to continue the quest when what would truly bring us back to wholeness is embracing our natural state and our Spirally essence.

Who Does Feminine Shame Impact?

Who Does Feminine Shame Impact:
Feminine Shame impacts everyone – regardless of gender or physical anatomy. It’s an abstract, permeating concept that mostly refers to shame towards that which is natural and has virtually nothing to do with gender or anatomy.
 
It is when we believe our very natural existence and presence, especially those aspects that are fluid and natural, are the source of our sense of safety, belonging, contentment, and/or joy being in jeopardy.
 
While womxn do tend to experience it more directly, as a species, we’ve undoubtedly come to a place where the essence of “feminine,” or the Spiral Principle is not held with high regard. We are all impacted, as is our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health and the health of our planet.

How Do We Heal Feminine Shame?

How Do We Heal Feminine Shame:
We heal Feminine Shame intentionally, compassionately, gently, and lovingly. We do so by embracing what’s natural and letting go of what’s been deemed “normal.”
 
In The InnerSpark Method, a system for supporting deep-feeling, sensitive women in breaking the cycles of burnout, people-pleasing, anxiety, and constantly trying to “fix” themselves, we heal Feminine Shame through five phase approach: befriending the body, managing our energy system (with resources like InnerSpark’s Energy Management Tools) and connecting with our emotions, mastering our mind, and aligning with Nature’s wisdom and rhythms.
 
We do so by reconnecting with ourselves, our InnerSpark, to see the parts of ourselves riddled with shame. We do so in community where we allow ourselves to be seen and witness each other. We come back to a state of reverent balance and holistic living and thriving.

When this happens, we lose touch with the messages and wisdom that are literally in each one of our cells and that can serve as guideposts to offer us  invaluable insight and direction direction, and even potential red flags for the early onset of disease and nutritional imbalances.

Our bodies are beautiful, complex masterpieces that serve as our tangible resource through which we get to experience life and offer our purpose to others. Maintaining a steady connection to feeling is the way to ensure you’re living in integrity with your intentions and values and that you’re taking responsibility for your most vibrant life possible.  No one else is going to do those things for you (nor can they!) and it starts with your body!

Here are 5 ways to come home to your body that you can start right now!

Earthing

Earthing is literally and simply the practice of touching the Earth with your bare skin – no shoes or gloves!  Specifically, you get barefoot and enjoy the grass, dirt, or sand between your toes and reconnect to this massive, awe-inspiring rock we get to call home!  Take those shoes off and get to it!

Learn more ways to connect with Nature here.

Trying a New Form of Exercise

The benefits of exercise are widely known and accepted by now and I sincerely hope you are engaging in some kind of physical activity that delights you on most days of the week!  In any case, a magnificent way to reconnect to your body is to move it in a completely new way!  Belong to a gym?  Swing by a new class!  Don’t belong to a gym?  I’ve never heard of one that didn’t offer some kind of low cost or free introductory trial or class(es) for new members.  Finally, in this day of the Internet, there are many free class options through YouTube or other sources and you can try this new movement in the comfort of your own home.  Been curious about Belly Dance, Tai Chi, Qigong, Martial Arts, Yin Yoga, Hip Hop Dance, or whatever else?  Search for it and get moving!

Self Massage

In Ayurvedic Medicine, “Abhyanga,” or self-massage, is a routine part of one’s life – as much so as bathing or brushing your teeth!  Here’s a complete breakdown on the way to practice Abhyanga in its true form.  To me there’s no right or wrong way to engage in the practice of self-massage and it truly can be as simple as rubbing lotion on your skin after a bath or shower.  The real intent, in my opinion, is to express self-love, relax, sloooow down, and to enjoy the sensations of the oil or lotion against your skin.  Additionally, it can serve as a time where you can perform suggested inspections of your skin for suspicious marks, notice any swollen or tender areas across the body, and perform breast or testicular exams, respectively.

Deep Belly Breaths

Stop what you are doing many times throughout the day and take at least three full, deep belly breaths in a row.  It’s helpful to utilize gentle phone or computer alarms as reminders or one of the various mindful breathing apps available such as Stop, Breathe & Think.  This little practice of consciously stopping and turning your awareness to your physical body through the breath, is a powerful way to reconnect and check in with yourself.  You may be surprised at the messages that come through when you stop and listen!

Engage Your Senses

Lastly, focus on each of your five senses each day by consciously tuning into them.  This little practice can make the mundane seem magical and can also work to sharpen your perceptions.  Listen closely to all of the subtle sounds around you, take time to really taste your food and appreciate its nuances and different flavors, feel the texture of your clothing, your dog’s fur, or your lover’s skin, quite literally stop and the smell the roses, and lastly, take the time to see what’s around you and notice new buds on that tree in your yard you probably overlook each day! As highly sensitive, intuitive, empathic, magical beings, tending your senses is imperative!

With a little practice fueled by honest effort and an intention to reconnect to your sacred vessel, you can begin an ever-deepening, harmonious relationship with your house. Here’s a video about creating more body love, which is something we can all use!

What are some of your favorite ways to reconnect to your physical body and find ground?